The Case of the ex…
This is not weight loss related, but I would really like some advice.
My boyfriend and I broke up the middle of July (I have some blogs about this). But we go to the same college, so we are sort of forced to see each other. However, he has the idea that we should be friends now. All month (September and some of August) he has been…following me. At first he would sit with me at lunch and try to talk to me. But once I made it known that I was not interested in being his girlfriend, not even his friend, he seemed to get a little mad. Afterwards, he didn’t really sit with me, he sat with another girl. I think she was his girlfriend, according to him, but I doubted that. If I would sit on one side of the cafeteria, she would sit nearby, and he would sit with her…and watch me!
Well she disappeared, dropped out perhaps. So now there is a boy who I have seen talking to him, he often sits near me and watches me sometimes. Well after being tired of being watched so much, I began eating my lunch outside where he did not find me. If I hid in the cafeteria, that did not seem to work. And people who I don’t know seem to know me. One day I was walking down the stairs and saw him, I thought I was caught but then his back was turned to me so there was no way for him to see me, so I figured I’d get by him easy. However, when a guy who I do not know, have never seen before said something like “There she is” or something like that, my ex turned around and approached me to talk. Who was that guy? I don’t know how he knew me… Rationally, I think I might just be overreacting or paranoid, but it just seems like they are watching me or something.
But now due to bad weather, I can’t eat outside anymore. Someone told me if I was brave enough, when he sits to talk to me, I should say in a load voice that I was not interested in being his friend, and to leave me alone. In this case, he might fear further humiliation and rejection and just leave me alone. But I’m not all that brave, and unsure how that might turn out…
Today he literally sat with me at lunch…that table was mine first, and there were plenty of other tables for him to sit at. He said that he regrets some of the things he said to me, and it was a sin how he treated me (or something like that). Throughout the entire conversation, I kept trying to sent him the message that I wasn’t interested. I think that was his favorite lunch of the school year though…
A friend of mine told me to ignore him, but how do you ignore someone who talks to you? For a while, I did ignore him and I don’t think it seemed to work. He knows that for a few weeks I was hiding from him, though he doesn’t know where. Hopefully this was a one time thing, but I don’t think it was. How do I keep him from entering my life again?
I hate to be harsh…part of me feels sorry for him. I don’t think he has a new girlfriend yet, (well I don’t have a new bf either) but I guess he just seems like a very sad person, or puppy…that just keeps following you home. I don’t want to be harsh or hurt his feelings. Yet on the other hand, I just feel like he was not a good boyfriend, and he definitely knew that. When we broke up, I offered to stay friends, but he said no. Then when he demanded the locket back, that is just like a message saying you are not in my life anymore or something (that is how I feel). After all, friends give friends expensive gifts and stuff. But it wasn’t the necklace or that I wanted to keep it, just what him demanding it back meant.
So do I send him on his way, and how?
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If you do not want him in your life and he makes you feel uncomfortable then yes you should send him on his way! You are not obligated to be friends with him just because that is what HE wants. It’s your life hun, and you need to be happy in it. How is the tricky part of this. If you’ve tried to just avoid him and he knows that yet keeps coming back then you need to be firmer. You need to look directly at him and say that you two aren’t together any more and you do not want to be friends with him either because that makes you uncomfortable at the moment. Then ask him to just give you some space and leave you alone. Then at lunches try to sit with friends and if you can’t do that take a book or homework with you and work on it. Let him know that you are not interested in even talking to him. Now if it keeps going on and gets any more creepy then I’d talk to the police department about what your options are on a restraining order since he goes to the same college as you. Also, I have got to say, you must have a really small college! LOL.
Please sit with groups of people. He sounds a little creepy. You don’t need any ties. Give back the locket, nicely and with a witness.
yarrow
Send the boy on his way! If your not intrested in being his friend, and he wasn’t good to you, you don’t need him around. You don’t have to be mean or be harsh to him, but tell him how you feel. The truth is soo much better, I would rather be told than strung along (lol and I was, for a long time by my ex, we tried remaining friends after we broke up, but there was too much hurt to do it) Next time he tries to talk to you, just be honest with him.
Hope that helps a little!
My advice would also to be to ignore him. If he sits at your table at lunch, get up and move to another table. Walk with people to and from classes. I would also alert campus security. Surround yourself with friends and have a blast through your college years.